jokes page 2

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Teacher:
There is a frog,
Ship is sinking,
potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then, 
what is my age? 

STUDENT:32 yrs. 

Teacher:How do you know? 

STUDENT:Well,
my sister is 16 yrs old
and she is half mad. 


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Two elderly people living in Trailer Estates,
he was a Widower and she a widow,
had known each other for a number of years. 

One evening there was a community supper
in the big activity center. 
The two were at the same table,
across from one another as the meal went on,
he took a few admiring glances at her
and finally gathered the courage to ask her, " 
Will you marry me?" 

After about six seconds of 
' careful consideration' ,
she answered 
Yes. Yes, I will. " 

The meal ended and,
with a few more pleasant exchanges,
they went to Their respective places. 

Next morning, he was troubled.
"Did she say 'yes' or did she say 
'no'?" 
He 
couldn't remember. Try as he might,
he just Could not recall. Not 
even a faint memory. With trepidation,
he went to The telephone and 
called her. 

First, he explained that he didn't remember
as well as he used to.
Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.
As he gained a little more courage,
he inquired, "When I asked if you would marry me,
did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?" 

He was delighted to hear her say,
"Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and 
I Meant it with all my heart. "
Then she continued, "I am so glad that 
you called,
because I couldn't remember who had asked me."



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An Indian guy named
"Anantharaman Subbaraman"
arrived at the New York airport
and ended up waiting for his visa
for about 2 hours for the 
authorities to call his name. 


He got fed up and went to them
and asked why they haven't called his 
name yet. 


They said that they have been calling him
for the last 2 hours as 
* 
* 
* 
* 
* 
* 
ANOTHER SUPERMAN.

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At the United Way in a fairly small town
a volunteer worker noticed that
the most successful lawyer
in the whole town hadn't made a contribution.
This guy was making about $600,000 a year
so the volunteer thought,
"Why not call him up?"
He calls up the lawyer.

"Sir, according to our research
you haven't made a contribution
to the United Way,
would you like to do so?"

The lawyer responds,
"A contribution?
Does your research show that
I have an invalid mother
who requires expensive surgery once a year
just to stay alive?"

The worker is feeling a bit embarrassed and says,
"Well, no sir, I'm..."

"Does your research show that
my sister's husband was killed in a car accident?
She has three kids and no means of support!"

The worker is feeling quite embarrassed
at this point.
"I'm terribly sorry..."

"Does your research show that
my brother broke his neck on the job
and now requires a full time nurse
to have any kind of normal life?"

The worker is completely humiliated at this point.
"I am sorry sir, please forgive me..."

"so just think.......
I don't give them anything,
so why should I give it to you!"

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A man was riding a bike
so fast at night time, without lights.

Police: Why didn't you switch on your light?

Man: There is light everywhere sir.

Police takes out air in the tyre.

Man: Why did you take out air in my tyre sir?

Police: There is air everywhere!!


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7 Engineers and 7 Doctors
are going from PUNE to MUMBAI.
So they all gather at Pune Station.

Both groups are desperately trying
to prove their superiority. 


SCENE 1 (PUNE to MUMBAI): 

7 engineers take only 1 Ticket
and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets.. 

Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......

When TC arrives,

All 7 Engineers get in one toilet So when TC knocks,
one hand comes out with the ticket
and the TC goes away.... 

NOW on the return journey
they don't get a direct train to PUNE.
So they all decide to take a passenger till LONAVALA,
from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE. 



SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA):

Doctors decided,
"This time we will prove that we too are equally smart."
All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket.
Engineers don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!..

TC arrives....

ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.
ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE..

One engineer gets out and knocks the door of doctors toilet,
one hand comes out with the ticket,
he takes the ticket and comes in the engineers' bathroom...

TC drives out all the doctors from the toilet
and they are heavily fined.... 


SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA):

So now both the groups are at LONAVALA station.
Doctors are planning their move for last chance
and they board the local to PUNE.

This time doctors decide that
they will play the same (1 ticket) trick.

ALL Doctors take only 1 ticket... 
Engineers buy all 7 tickets this time... 

SO TC comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets.

Doctors are still searching
for the toilet in the LOCAL train!

Conclusion:
Technically intelligent people may be genius,
but don't mess with Engineers!!!!!!





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A young boy enters a barber shop
and the barber whispers to his
Customer,"This is the dumbest kid in the world.
Watch while I prove it to you.
"The barber puts a dollar in one hand
and 25 cents in the other,
then calls the boy over and asks,
"Which do you want, son?"

The boy takes 25 cents and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber.
"That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves,
he sees the same young boy coming out
of the ice cream store.
"Hey,son, May I ask you a question?
Why did you take 25 cents instead
of the dollar?"

The boy licked his cone and replied,
"Because the day I take the
dollar,the game's over!"



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1st gadha-yaar mein jis dhobi ke ghar
kaam karta hu vo mujhe bahut marta hai.

2nd gadha-tu ghar chhor kar
bhaag kyo nahi jata.

1st gadha-kya batau yaar
dhobi ki ek bahut sunder ladki hai.
vo jab bhi shararat karti hai to
dhobi kehta hai ki
teri shadi kisi gadhe se kar dunga
bas yeh soch kar ruka hua hu!! 


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Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan !

Operator : Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone.
You can speak to me. Who is this?

Caller : I'm Sam Wan .
And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone !
But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller : Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan
that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident.
Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital..

Operator : Look, if no one was injured
and no one was sent to the hospital,
then the accident isn't an urgent matter!
You may find this hilarious 
but I don't have time for this!

Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator : I'm Saw Ree .

Caller : Yes! You should be sorry ..
Now give me your name!!

Operator : That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree .

Caller : Oh.....God....... 


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Fifteen minutes into the flight 
from Mankuwa City to Sukhpur city, 
the captain announced, 
"Ladies and gentlemen, 
one of our engines has failed.. 
There is nothing to worry about. 
Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, 
but we still have three engines left." 


Thirty minutes later the captain announced, 
"One more engine has failed 
and the flight will take an additional two hours. 
But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines." 

An hour later the captain announced, 
"One more engine has failed 
and our arrival will be delayed another three hours.
But don't worry ... we still have one engine left." 

A sardarji passenger 
turned to the man in the next seat 
and remarked, 

"If we lose one more engine, 
we'll be up here all day!"


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A new teacher was trying to make
use of her psychology courses.

She started her class by saying,
'Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!'

After a few seconds,
little Pintu stood up.

The teacher said,
'Do you think you're stupid, Little Pintu?'

'No, ma'am,
but I hate to see you
standing there all by yourself!' 


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Sunny was eating breakfast one morning.
He got to thinking about things,
and asked, "Mommy,
why does Daddy have such little hair on his head?"

"He thinks a lot, dear"
replied his mother,
pleased with herself for coming up with
a such good answer
to her husband's baldness.

"Then, why do you have so much hair?"
asked Sunny.

"Go eat your breakfast!"
snarled his mother!! 


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4 Bright students had a booze last night
and could not attend the test next day.
They went to the teacher and said
they went for some seminar
and got their car tyre punctured
while returning back and
hence asked for a re-test for them.
The teacher agreed on the terms
that they'll be given a new question paper
and they have a week's time to prepare for it.

On the D day they were made to sit in 4 different rooms.
The questions:-

1. Your Name? 1mark
2. Which tyre of the car got punctured? 99 Marks 

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Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi,
a saint and a schoolboy
were traveling by a private plane.
Suddenly the engine caught fire 
and the pilot came out shouting, 
"This plane is going to crash!
And we have only four parachutes
and there are five of us in the plane.

Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot
I am taking one parachute and getting out of here."
Saying this he rushed to the luggage area
grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane.
Sonia Gandhi said,
"Since I am the future Prime Minister of India
I am very important and have to live!"
She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country,
the most honest politician of India
and above all the most intelligent person
living in this country,
and the most intelligent person must live!"
Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area,
grabbed one and jumped off the plane. 

The old saint said to the school boy,
"There is only one parachute left,
and there are two of us.
I am an old man and don't need to live any more.
You take the last parachute and jump."

The school boy said,
"Don't worry! There are still two parachutes left with us!
The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav,
jumped off the plane with my school bag!" 

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The woman`s husband had been slipping
in and out of a coma for several months,
yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. 

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered,
eyes full of tears, "You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing,
you were still by my side. You know what?"

"What dear?" She gently asked,
smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.


"I think you`re bad luck."

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A soldier stationed in Afghanistan
recently received a letter from his girl friend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship.
The distance between us is just too great. 
I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me
that I sent to you.

Love, Becky

The soldier, with hurt feelings,
asked his fellow soldiers for any
snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends,
sisters or ex-girlfriends.

In addition to the picture of Becky,
Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals
he had collected from his buddies.
There were 57 photos in that envelope
along with this note:

Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember
who the hell you are.
Please take your picture from the pile, 
and send the rest back to me.

Take Care,

Ricky 

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A few years ago, Prime Minister Mori
was given some Basic English conversation training
before he visits Washington
and meets president Bill Clinton...

The instructor told Mori "Prime Minister,
when you shake hand with President Clinton,
please say 'how are you'. 
Then Mr. Clinton should say,
" I'm fine, and you?"
No w you should say 'me too'.
Afterwards we, translators,
will do all the work for you."

It looks quite simple, but the truth is....
When Mori met Clinton ,
he mistakenly said "Who Are You?" 
instead of "How are you".
Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked
but still managed to react with humor:
"Well, I'm Hilary's husband, ha-ha...." 

Then Mori replied
"Me too, ha-ha.."

Then there was a long silence
in the meeting room!! 


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Employees of a Company are all worried.
Some are roaming around. Some are in
loud discussions during office time.....

Some Trainees, who had just joined, 
notice this and enquire about what happened
to a senior employee, 
they ask, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"

They're asking for Rs.10 Crores ransom, 
otherwise they're going to
douse him with petrol and set him on fire.

We're going from desk to desk, 
taking up a collection."

One Trainee asks, 
"How much is everyone giving, on average?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"About 1 litre." 


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