Electrical and Electronics: November 2008

Medical Electronics / Biomedical Circuits

DS1621 pc thermometer
Electronic Stethoscope
The ESP SIM (Sound Impairment Monitor)

Light Circuits

12V stroboscope
Analogue light controlling desk
Four channel dimmer rack
Mini pocket stroboscope
Simple light bulb flasher
Strobo controller
Stroboscope trigger circuits
12 Volt Lamp Dimmer
12 Volt Lamp Fader (Automatic)
120 VAC Lamp Dimmer (full wave SCR)
2 Wire DC Lamp Dimmer Replaces Rheostats
230 Volt Dimmer
4 Channel dimmer rack
8 Bit Digital Light Intensity Controller
A Ballast that can Be Dimmed from a Domestic (Phase Cut) Dimmer
Circuit Delivers Dimming Control for White LED Driver
8 Photo-Detector Circuit Board
Dark Activated Switch or Porch Light Switch
Dark/Light Activated Relay
Dark-activated 230V Lamp
Dark-activated LED or Lamp Flasher
Day and Night Infrared Detection
10MHz TO 20MHz LASER LIGHT DETECTOR
30KHZ LIGHT RECEIVER AMP
40KHz LASER BURST DETECTOR
40KHz Light Detector with Sunlight Immunity
3v Low Battery Voltage Flasher
9v POWERED XENON PHOTOFLASH Controller
Flashing Rear-End Device For DCC Systems
Flashing-Cum-Running Light
LASER Transmitter/Receiver
PIC Light Chaser
Bike Light Flasher
Headlight Flasher
Battery-powered Night Lamp
Bedside Lamp Timer
Emergency Light & Alarm

LED Circuits

1.5 Volt Dual LED Flasher
40 LED Bicycle Light (555 Timer - 6 volt)
28 LED Clock
Two Transistor LED Flasher
LED Photo Sensor Circuit
Fading Red Eyes
LED Traffic Lights
16 Stage Bi-Directional LED Sequencer
AC Line powered LEDs
1.5V LED Flasher VERSION A
1.5V LED Flasher VERSION B
12v Lamp Current Indicator
LED or Lamp Pulser
Dancing LEDs
Fading LEDs
LEDs or Lamps Sequencer
Halloween Flashing-eyes Badge

Door Bell Circuits

BASEMENT DOORBELL BEEPER
Birdie Doorbell Ringer
Ding-Dong Bell
Door Chime
Doorbell for the Deaf
Electronic Doorbell with Counter
Electronic Canary (Doorbell)
Fix Adds Door-Chime Repeater
Multi-Switch Doorbell with Indicators
Remote Doorbell Warning Switch
Self-Powered Door-Bell Watcher
Two Tone Generator

Audio Circuits

15 Watt Amplifier
150W MP3 Car Amplifier
24 Watt Class A Amplifier
Buffer Amplifier
Class-A//AB Amplifier
Audio Level Meter
Voice-Over Circuit
Simple 3 Transistor Audio Amp (50 milliwatt)
Improved 3 Transistor Audio Amp (80 milliwatt)
Audio Amplifier for Personal Stereo
Mosfet-Based Preamplifier for FM Radio DXing
Precision Amplifier With Digital Control
22 Watt Audio Amplifier
50 Watt Amplifier
FET Audio Mixer
Guitar Fuzz Effect
Microphone Mixer
Mono To Stereo Synthesizer
Sound Level Meter
Stereo Tube Amplifier
300W Subwoofer Power Amplifier
TDA2030 8 Watt amplifier
Single Chip 50 Watt / 8 Ohm Power Amplifier
Hi-Fi Preamplifier
MASTHEAD PREAMP
100W Guitar Amplifier Mk II
Simple Surround Sound Decoder
High Quality Audio Mixer
Simple Car Preamplifier and Artificial Earth
Loudspeaker Protection and Muting
Minimalist Discrete Hi-Fi Preamp
(Discrete Opamp)
Thermo-Fan To Keep Your Amp Cool
Active Sub-Woofer and Controller
Audio Amp Output Power Limiter
Subwoofer Amp
Audio Auto Shutoff
10W Audio Amplifier with Bass-boost
Automatic Loudness Control
Portable Mixer
Speech Amplifier Box
Mini-MosFet Audio Amplifier

Miscellaneous

Flashing Neons (NE-51 / NE-2)
Sequencing Neons (NE-51 / NE-2)
Touch Activated Light
Game Show Indicator Lights (Who's First)
Salt Water Battery
Transistor Schmitt Trigger Oscillator
Car parking system using Microcontroller
Electronic House
Automatic Railway Gate Control
Intelligent Train Engines
Water level indicator and controller
THE SUDOKU SOLVER
Automatic Railway Grade Crossing Flashers
Joy Stick Controlled - Modernized "Toy" Throttle
Laser Pointer Train Detector
Automatic Station Stop Circuit
Plant Watering Watcher - Version II
Water-Level Controller
Staircase Light With Auto Switch-Off
Fire Alarm Using Thermistor
Mobile Cellphone Charger
DIGITAL ENGINE TACHOMETER
Centronics port D/A converters and low-pass filter
Plant Moisture Meter
Room Noise Detector
Heating System Thermostat
Cellular Phone calling Detector
Temperature-controlled Fan
Temperature-controlled 12V dc Fan
Digital Step-Km Counter
Bicycle back Safety Light
Whistle Responder
Jogging Timer

Switching Circuits

Frost Alarm
Dark Activated Switch
Electronic Keypad
Light Detector Circuit
DC Motor Control Circuit
PBS Switch Debouncing Circuit
Remote Doorbell Warning Switch
Electronic Doorbell with Counter
Digital Combination Lock
Electronic Night Light
Sound Operated Switch
Voltage Comparator Switch
DC Motor Reversing Circuit
Voltage Controlled Switch using 555 Timer
Keypad Switch No.2
Electronic Door Release
Intelligent switch
Heat-Sensitive Switch
Washing Machine Motor Controller
Voltage-Based Controller For Switches
Automated Traffic Signal Controller
Automatic Switch For Audio Power Amplifier
Automatic Headlight Brightness Switch
Load Sensing Auto Switch
Solid State Switch for DC Operated Gadgets

****************************

Teacher:
There is a frog,
Ship is sinking,
potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,
what is my age?

STUDENT:32 yrs.

Teacher:How do you know?

STUDENT:Well,
my sister is 16 yrs old
and she is half mad.

****************************

**********************************

Two elderly people living in Trailer Estates,
he was a Widower and she a widow,
had known each other for a number of years.

One evening there was a community supper
in the big activity center.
The two were at the same table,
across from one another as the meal went on,
he took a few admiring glances at her
and finally gathered the courage to ask her, "
Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of
' careful consideration' ,
she answered
Yes. Yes, I will. "

The meal ended and,
with a few more pleasant exchanges,
they went to Their respective places.

Next morning, he was troubled.
"Did she say 'yes' or did she say
'no'?"
He
couldn't remember. Try as he might,
he just Could not recall. Not
even a faint memory. With trepidation,
he went to The telephone and
called her.

First, he explained that he didn't remember
as well as he used to.
Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.
As he gained a little more courage,
he inquired, "When I asked if you would marry me,
did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"

He was delighted to hear her say,
"Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and
I Meant it with all my heart. "
Then she continued, "I am so glad that
you called,
because I couldn't remember who had asked me."

***************************************

**************************************

An Indian guy named
"Anantharaman Subbaraman"
arrived at the New York airport
and ended up waiting for his visa
for about 2 hours for the
authorities to call his name.

He got fed up and went to them
and asked why they haven't called his
name yet.

They said that they have been calling him
for the last 2 hours as
*
*
*
*
*
*
ANOTHER SUPERMAN.

******************************************

******************************************

At the United Way in a fairly small town
a volunteer worker noticed that
the most successful lawyer
in the whole town hadn't made a contribution.
This guy was making about $600,000 a year
so the volunteer thought,
"Why not call him up?"
He calls up the lawyer.

"Sir, according to our research
you haven't made a contribution
to the United Way,
would you like to do so?"

The lawyer responds,
"A contribution?
Does your research show that
I have an invalid mother
who requires expensive surgery once a year
just to stay alive?"

The worker is feeling a bit embarrassed and says,
"Well, no sir, I'm..."

"Does your research show that
my sister's husband was killed in a car accident?
She has three kids and no means of support!"

The worker is feeling quite embarrassed
at this point.
"I'm terribly sorry..."

"Does your research show that
my brother broke his neck on the job
and now requires a full time nurse
to have any kind of normal life?"

The worker is completely humiliated at this point.
"I am sorry sir, please forgive me..."

"so just think.......
I don't give them anything,
so why should I give it to you!"

***********************************************

****************************************

A man was riding a bike
so fast at night time, without lights.

Police: Why didn't you switch on your light?

Man: There is light everywhere sir.

Police takes out air in the tyre.

Man: Why did you take out air in my tyre sir?

Police: There is air everywhere!!

*******************************************

*****************************************

7 Engineers and 7 Doctors
are going from PUNE to MUMBAI.
So they all gather at Pune Station.

Both groups are desperately trying
to prove their superiority.

SCENE 1 (PUNE to MUMBAI):

7 engineers take only 1 Ticket
and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..

Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......

When TC arrives,

All 7 Engineers get in one toilet So when TC knocks,
one hand comes out with the ticket
and the TC goes away....

NOW on the return journey
they don't get a direct train to PUNE.
So they all decide to take a passenger till LONAVALA,
from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE.

SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA):

Doctors decided,
"This time we will prove that we too are equally smart."
All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket.
Engineers don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!..

TC arrives....

ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.
ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE..

One engineer gets out and knocks the door of doctors toilet,
one hand comes out with the ticket,
he takes the ticket and comes in the engineers' bathroom...

TC drives out all the doctors from the toilet
and they are heavily fined....

SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA):

So now both the groups are at LONAVALA station.
Doctors are planning their move for last chance
and they board the local to PUNE.

This time doctors decide that
they will play the same (1 ticket) trick.

ALL Doctors take only 1 ticket...
Engineers buy all 7 tickets this time...

SO TC comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets.

Doctors are still searching
for the toilet in the LOCAL train!

Conclusion:
Technically intelligent people may be genius,
but don't mess with Engineers!!!!!!

******************************************

**********************************

A young boy enters a barber shop
and the barber whispers to his
Customer,"This is the dumbest kid in the world.
Watch while I prove it to you.
"The barber puts a dollar in one hand
and 25 cents in the other,
then calls the boy over and asks,
"Which do you want, son?"

The boy takes 25 cents and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber.
"That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves,
he sees the same young boy coming out
of the ice cream store.
"Hey,son, May I ask you a question?
Why did you take 25 cents instead
of the dollar?"

The boy licked his cone and replied,
"Because the day I take the
dollar,the game's over!"

**********************************

********************************

1st gadha-yaar mein jis dhobi ke ghar
kaam karta hu vo mujhe bahut marta hai.

2nd gadha-tu ghar chhor kar
bhaag kyo nahi jata.

1st gadha-kya batau yaar
dhobi ki ek bahut sunder ladki hai.
vo jab bhi shararat karti hai to
dhobi kehta hai ki
teri shadi kisi gadhe se kar dunga
bas yeh soch kar ruka hua hu!!

********************************

***********************************

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan !

Operator : Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone.
You can speak to me. Who is this?

Caller : I'm Sam Wan .
And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone !
But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller : Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan
that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident.
Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital..

Operator : Look, if no one was injured
and no one was sent to the hospital,
then the accident isn't an urgent matter!
You may find this hilarious
but I don't have time for this!

Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator : I'm Saw Ree .

Caller : Yes! You should be sorry ..
Now give me your name!!

Operator : That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree .

Caller : Oh.....God.......

***********************************

*****************************************

Fifteen minutes into the flight
from Mankuwa City to Sukhpur city,
the captain announced,
"Ladies and gentlemen,
one of our engines has failed..
There is nothing to worry about.
Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled,
but we still have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain announced,
"One more engine has failed
and the flight will take an additional two hours.
But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."

An hour later the captain announced,
"One more engine has failed
and our arrival will be delayed another three hours.
But don't worry ... we still have one engine left."

A sardarji passenger
turned to the man in the next seat
and remarked,

"If we lose one more engine,
we'll be up here all day!"

*****************************************

********************************

A new teacher was trying to make
use of her psychology courses.

She started her class by saying,
'Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!'

After a few seconds,
little Pintu stood up.

The teacher said,
'Do you think you're stupid, Little Pintu?'

'No, ma'am,
but I hate to see you
standing there all by yourself!'

********************************

****************************

Sunny was eating breakfast one morning.
He got to thinking about things,
and asked, "Mommy,
why does Daddy have such little hair on his head?"

"He thinks a lot, dear"
replied his mother,
pleased with herself for coming up with
a such good answer
to her husband's baldness.

"Then, why do you have so much hair?"
asked Sunny.

"Go eat your breakfast!"
snarled his mother!!

****************************

***********************************

4 Bright students had a booze last night
and could not attend the test next day.
They went to the teacher and said
they went for some seminar
and got their car tyre punctured
while returning back and
hence asked for a re-test for them.
The teacher agreed on the terms
that they'll be given a new question paper
and they have a week's time to prepare for it.

On the D day they were made to sit in 4 different rooms.
The questions:-

1. Your Name? 1mark
2. Which tyre of the car got punctured? 99 Marks

************************************

************************************

Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi,
a saint and a schoolboy
were traveling by a private plane.
Suddenly the engine caught fire
and the pilot came out shouting,
"This plane is going to crash!
And we have only four parachutes
and there are five of us in the plane.

Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot
I am taking one parachute and getting out of here."
Saying this he rushed to the luggage area
grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane.
Sonia Gandhi said,
"Since I am the future Prime Minister of India
I am very important and have to live!"
She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country,
the most honest politician of India
and above all the most intelligent person
living in this country,
and the most intelligent person must live!"
Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area,
grabbed one and jumped off the plane.

The old saint said to the school boy,
"There is only one parachute left,
and there are two of us.
I am an old man and don't need to live any more.
You take the last parachute and jump."

The school boy said,
"Don't worry! There are still two parachutes left with us!
The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav,
jumped off the plane with my school bag!"

************************************

***********************************

The woman`s husband had been slipping
in and out of a coma for several months,
yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered,
eyes full of tears, "You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing,
you were still by my side. You know what?"

"What dear?" She gently asked,
smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you`re bad luck."

*********************************

**********************************

A soldier stationed in Afghanistan
recently received a letter from his girl friend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship.
The distance between us is just too great.
I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me
that I sent to you.

Love, Becky

The soldier, with hurt feelings,
asked his fellow soldiers for any
snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends,
sisters or ex-girlfriends.

In addition to the picture of Becky,
Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals
he had collected from his buddies.
There were 57 photos in that envelope
along with this note:

Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember
who the hell you are.
Please take your picture from the pile,
and send the rest back to me.

Take Care,

Ricky

**********************************

*********************************

A few years ago, Prime Minister Mori
was given some Basic English conversation training
before he visits Washington
and meets president Bill Clinton...

The instructor told Mori "Prime Minister,
when you shake hand with President Clinton,
please say 'how are you'.
Then Mr. Clinton should say,
" I'm fine, and you?"
No w you should say 'me too'.
Afterwards we, translators,
will do all the work for you."

It looks quite simple, but the truth is....
When Mori met Clinton ,
he mistakenly said "Who Are You?"
instead of "How are you".
Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked
but still managed to react with humor:
"Well, I'm Hilary's husband, ha-ha...."

Then Mori replied
"Me too, ha-ha.."

Then there was a long silence
in the meeting room!!

*********************************

Employees of a Company are all worried.
Some are roaming around. Some are in
loud discussions during office time.....

Some Trainees, who had just joined,
notice this and enquire about what happened
to a senior employee,
they ask, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"

They're asking for Rs.10 Crores ransom,
otherwise they're going to
douse him with petrol and set him on fire.

We're going from desk to desk,
taking up a collection."

One Trainee asks,
"How much is everyone giving, on average?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"About 1 litre."

***********************************

jokes page 1

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs
for her husband.
Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. Publish Post
"Careful. CAREFUL!
Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!
Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter.
Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them.
You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What the heck is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied,
"I just wanted to show you
what it feels like when I'm driving."

********************************************

"Do you drink?"
the girl's father inquired of his
prospective son-in-law."
"First tell me,
whether it is a question
or an invitation" asked son-in-law.

*******************************************

*************************************************

One day Bush was out jogging
and accidentally fell from a bridge into a very cold river.
Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident.
Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and
dragged the wet president out of the river.
After cleaning up he said,
"Boys, you saved the President of the United States today.
You deserve a reward. You name it, I'll give it to you."
The first boy said, "Please, I'd like a ticket to Disneyland!"
"I'll personally hand it to you," said Bush.
"I'd like a pair of Nike Air Turbos,"
the second boy said.
"I'll buy them myself and give them to you,"
said Bush. "And I'd like a wheelchair with a stereo in it,"
said the third boy.
"I'll personally ... wait a second, son,
you're not handicapped!"
"No, but I will be when my father finds out
whom I saved from drowning."

*****************************************************

Call Center Tech Support:
"I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Call Center Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support:
"Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."

Tech Support:
"Ok. Right click again.
Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer "No."

Tech Support:
"Ok, sir. Can you tell me
what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click'

and I wrote 'click'."

********************************************

mathematician, an accountant and an economist
apply for the same job.

The interviewer calls in the mathematician
and asks "What do two plus two equal?"
The mathematician replies "Four."
The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?"
The mathematician
"Yes, four, exactly."

Then the interviewer calls in the accountant
and asks the same question
"What do two plus two equal?"
The accountant says "On average, four -
give or take ten percent, but on average, four."

Then the interviewer calls in the economist
and poses the same question
"What do two plus two equal?"
The economist gets up, locks the door,
closes the shade,
sits down next to the interviewer and says
"What do you want it to equal?"

***********************************************

It was the golden wedding anniversary
for the couple.
Everyone used to comment
"What a peaceful & loving couple !!"

"We were visiting the Grand Canyon after our marriage
and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by horse.

We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled.
My wife quietly said, "that's once".
We proceeded a little further
and the horse stumbled again.
Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice'.

"We hadn't gone a half-mine
when the horse stumbled the third time.
My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse
and shot the horse dead.

" I started an angry protest
over her treatment of the horse.
While I was shouting,
she looked at me, and quietly said
" That's once'.

And we lived peacefully ever after."

**********************************************

Man in a bar sees a friend at a table,
drinking by himself.

Approaching the friend he comments,
"You look terrible. What's the problem?"

"My mother died in August,"
his friend replied,
"and left me £25,000.
Then in September my father died,
leaving me £90,000."

"Losing both parents in two months.
No wonder you're depressed."

"And last month my aunt died,
and left me £15,000."
His friend continued.

"Three close family members
lost in three months? How sad."

"Then this month,"
concluded, the friend,
"absolutely nothing."

************************************************

A man placed some flowers
on the grave of his dearly parted mother
and started back toward his car
when his attention was diverted
to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity
and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to die?
Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said,
"Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief,
but this demonstration of pain in is
more than I've ever seen before.
For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself,
then replied

"My wife's first husband."

************************************************

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident.
It's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished
but Amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars,
the woman says,
"So you're a man, that’s interesting. I'm a woman.
Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left
but fortunately we are unhurt.
This must be a sign from God that we should meet
and be friends and live together in peace
for the rest of our days."

The man replied,
"I agree with you completely.
This must be a sign from God!

The woman continued, "And look at this,
here's another miracle... this bottle of wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man shakes his head in agreement,
opens it and drinks half the bottle
and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on,
and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies,

No, I think I'll just wait for the police..."

***********************************************

After hearing that
one of the patients in a mental hospital
had saved another from a suicide attempt
by pulling him out of a bathtub,
the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file
and called him into his office.

"your records and your heroic behavior
indicate that you're ready to go home.
doctor said,"I'm only sorry that the man you saved
later killed himself with a rope around the neck."

"Oh, he didn't kill himself,"
mad replied. "I hung him up to dry."

************************************************

A cop stops a drunk man and asks:
Where you going?

drynk man:I'm going to listen
the lecture about the
harm of the drunkenness and alcoholism.

cop:At night?
And who will give a lecture?

drunk man:
My wife and mother-in-law!

**********************************

Patient: Doctor, you must help me.
I'm under such a lot of stress.
I keep losing my temper with people.

Doctor: Tell me about your problem.

Patient: I just did, you stupid bastard!

***********************************

Mr Chang and Mr Wang
were watching the 11:00AM news.
The current news story was
about a man up on a ledge
and threatening to jump to kill himself.
During the show there was an interval
for a commercial break.

Mr Chang : I bet you Rs. 200
he's going to jump.

Mr Wang : OK. I accept the challenge!

The news is back after the break.
And the man jumps from the ledge.
Mr Wang : OK , here's my Rs
200.

Mr Chang : No, the answer was too easy.
I can't take it.

Mr Wang : "I insist. I lost".

Mr Chang : "I have a confession to make.
I saw the same thing on the 6:00AM news
and knew he jumped.
So it wasn't really fair.
I won't take the money".

Mr Wang : That's OK! You know,
I saw the same newscast earlier.
But I didn't think
he would be stupid enough to jump twice!

****************************************

Soldier:
Sir, we are surrounded!

Major:
Excellent!
We can attack in any direction now!

_____________________________________

Guide: I welcome u all to the Niagra falls.
These are the world's largest waterfalls
& the sound intensity
of the waterfall is so high,
sound of even 20 supersonic planes
passing can't b heard!
Now may I request the ladies
to keep quiet so that
we can hear the Niagra Falls!!!!

***************************************

*******************************

Teacher:
Four beautiful girls are
walking on the road.
Change it to exclamatory sentence.

Student: WOW !

********************************

Dentist:
I have to pull the aching tooth,
but don't worry
it will take just five minutes.

Patient: And how much will it cost?

Dentist: It's Rs 1000.

Patient: One thousand???
for just a few minutes work???

Dentist:
I can extract it very slowly if you like!

************************************

*************************************

A young boy was
looking through the family album
and asked his mother,
"Who's this guy on the beach
with you with all the muscles and curly hair?"

"That's your father."

"Then who's that old bald-headed fat man
who lives with us now?"

**************************************

***************************************************

A car was involved in an accident in a street.
As expected, a large crowd gathered.

A newspaper reporter anxious
to get his story could not get near the car.
Being a clever sort,
he started shouting loudly,
"Let me through! Let me through!
I am the son of the victim."

The crowd made way for him.

Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

***************************************************

**********************************************

man feared his wife wasn't hearing
as well as she used to and
he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her,
he called the family Doctor
to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test
the husband could perform to
give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here's what you do," said the Doctor,
"stand about 40 feet away from her,
and in a normal conversational speaking tone
see if she hears you.
If not, go to 30 feet,
then 20 feet,
and so on until you get a
response."

That evening,
the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner,
and he was in the den. He says to himself,
"I'm about 40 feet away, let's see
what happens."
Then in a normal tone he asks,
'Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response.

So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen,
about 30 feet from his
wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room
where he is about 20 feet from his

wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets no response so,

He walks up to the kitchen door,
about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's
for dinner?"

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her.
"Honey, what's for dinner?"
;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"

***********************************************

**********************************************

Teacher :What happened in 1869?

Student:Gandhi ji was born.

Teacher :What happened in 1873?

Student:Gandhiji was four years old.

***********************************************

****************************

============ ========= =====

Teacher :Tomorrow,
there will be a lecture on Sun.
Everyone must attend it.

Raju:
No ma'm!
I will not be able to attend it.

Teacher :Why?

Raju:My mother will not allow me
to go so far!!!

============ ========= =====

****************************

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